Amazing! Looking for advice

Brandon -- I’ve recently started listening to your podcast on a quest for positivity in my life and it’s become a part of my daily routine. I appreciate all the positivity you’re able to bring to the table on a daily basis and I truly strive to be more like you and the guests that you bring on the show, their stories are truly inspiring. I’ve recently been struggling with something that I don’t feel comfortable discussing with the immediate people in my life or a therapist, as I have a hard time opening up.

Me and my boyfriend of 10 years have recently entered into a polyamorous relationship with another woman. Things were going really well for the first six months, but a few months ago we moved in together and I feel like i’ve vortexed into a negative mental pit of despair. The relationship is something that I truly want to succeed, but I can’t seem to get out of my own head. I find that I identify strongly with my astrological sign (scorpio) and that scares me. I feel myself becoming more jealous and resentful towards my boyfriend and new girlfriend with each passing day; I see them grow closer together as I pull myself away. Before diving into this situation, I had depression and deep insecurities that I felt I was dealing with pretty well. Now that we live with this person, I feel as though I’ve become unrelentlessly negative — all of my actions, words and energy has become entirely 100% negative all of the time and I can’t seem to escape it. Because of this, I’ve become distant from them both, which is the exact opposite of what I want. I want to project positivity, and they have both told me this is what they’re looking for from me, they don’t understand why I am like this. I know that my boyfriend and I are solid, yet all of my fears and negativity seems to have taken over my life — and after reading books like “The Secret”, I realize that I have manifested this into my life with my depressing thoughts and fears. Each time I try to open up about these feelings I push them away further from me and drag them down with me, which pushes me deeper into my negative pit of despair. I am constantly worried about the past and the future, I can’t quite get myself to be in the present.

I guess what I am looking for is advice on how to handle these constant negative thoughts & emotions that never seem to cease in my head. How do you get out of your head? I know I am naturally a negative person, and that is where the problem stems. I realize that I am the toxic person in this relationship and I don’t know how to fix it. I don’t want the fact that I am a negative scorpio to define me, It’s something I am desperately trying to overcome. This is a situation that I want to be in and I care about them both so so much, but I feel as though I’m destroying our relationship with each passing day. My boyfriend tries constantly to tell me to be positive…basically fake it till I make it. I want to be happy again and I want to be able to trust, and love and spread the positivity that I know is somewhere inside of me. I want to be able to control my thoughts without taking medication, which I fear will be my next step if I can’t get a grip. Do you have any words of advice for ways in which I could spin my negative thoughts into positive ones? I am not good at hiding my feelings and I fear that I am going to destroy our relationship.

Thank you for reading my story and thank you for being you and doing this podcast as frequently as you do. I truly think the world desperately needs more Brandon’s. So much love to you all <3